Part 2 of 5 in our October Empty Nest Series
Before I tell you about the trophies, I need to tell you about a beach.
It was Labor Day weekend during our oldest son’s second year away at college. Somehow, despite being a family that loves the outdoors and especially loves being near the water, we had not gone to a single beach, lake, pond, or pool all summer. Not once. This was not like us. Between summer jobs, theatre schedules, church commitments, home projects, and preparations for a new church campus opening, we had been running at such a frantic pace that an entire New England summer had slipped through our fingers.
So my husband, our younger son, and I loaded up some beach chairs, a cooler, and towels and headed to a nearby lake. When we arrived, it felt like a ghost town. The lifeguard stand was empty, the bathrooms were locked, and there wasn’t another person on the beach. Yet, it was one of those perfect late-summer days that make you want to squeeze every last drop out of the season, so we set up anyway.
As we sat there enjoying the quiet lakefront, we started talking about how crazy it was that we had been too busy all summer to make time for one of our favorite activities. Then I had what my family calls one of my big ideas: “Why don’t we just live on a lake?” That single conversation launched a four-year search for the perfect lakefront property.
The House Where Everything Happened
A few years later, we made the decision to sell the home we had lived in for sixteen years. It was the house where everything happened: hockey equipment piled by the back door, theatre costumes hanging in closets, prom photos, track meets, lacrosse games, birthday parties, backyard firepit nights, Christmas Eve open houses, church gatherings, youth group events, and graduation celebrations.
Then it was time to pack, and with packing came the hardest part of any move: decluttering sentimental items. If you’ve been following along since Part 1 of this series, you know that empty nesting is rarely about the room itself. Packing up a family home is much the same. It’s rarely about the stuff.
Decluttering Sentimental Items: There Were Tears
We ordered a dumpster, and the decluttering began. One day I came home and found my husband in the basement working through a memory bin. Hours later, he was still sorting through papers.
To this day, I often joke that there were tears during this process, and most of them came from my husband. The surprising part? While he struggled with letting go, my sons were absolute superheroes.
The Trophy Conversation: What My Kids Actually Wanted to Keep
I asked my oldest son which sports trophies he wanted to keep. Without hesitation he said, “Keep the ones where I actually won something.” The rest could go.
Then I moved to the next room, where my younger son was sorting through his childhood books. His keep pile? Maybe three books. I immediately started rescuing books from the donation pile: Goodnight Moon, Milk & Cookies, and other favorites I was certain they would want someday.
“Won’t you want these for your kids?” I asked.
“Nope.”
Then came the artwork, the school projects, the handmade cards, and the Birds of Prey projects. His answer didn’t change: “Nah, I’m good.”
The Aha Moment: The Object Was Never the Point
My sons didn’t need the trophies to remember the games. They didn’t need the books to remember bedtime stories, and they didn’t need every project to remember their childhood. The experience had already done its job.
The object was never the point. The relationship was. The memory was.
We see this with clients all the time. Parents hold on to childhood keepsakes for their kids, only to discover their kids are ready to let go long before they are.
“The object was never the point. The relationship was. The memory was.” — Shawn Strok
Confession Time: Letting Go Is a Process
I would love to tell you that after this revelation I immediately loaded everything into the dumpster, but that would be completely untrue. I still have one storage bin filled with children’s books, and I saved one memory bin for each of my boys.
Because letting go isn’t an event. It’s a process.
What We Actually Kept
One category became easy to justify keeping: photos. Thousands of them.
The greatest gift came from my mother, who created a Life Book for each of her children and later for each grandchild. Those books preserved the stories behind the photos, along with our family history, friendships, milestones, and memories. We also digitized our old home movies so those memories can travel with us wherever life takes us.
Before you start decluttering sentimental items in your own home, Ask Yourself:
- What is one item I’ve been saving for my children that they may not actually want?
- What memory am I really trying to preserve?
- Have I actually asked my kids what they want to keep?
- Could a photo, scrapbook, or digital copy hold this memory just as well?
The Bottom Line: Preserve What Matters
When you’re decluttering sentimental items, the goal isn’t to save everything. The goal is to preserve what matters. Sometimes that’s a photograph or a scrapbook. Sometimes it’s one childhood book you’re still not quite ready to part with.
When we finally moved into our lake house and renovated it into a home that supports the life we’re living now, I realized something profound.
The memories came with us.
At Design Organize Gather Co., we help families through every part of this process. We sort a lifetime of keepsakes with care, and we design a home that’s ready for the next chapter. If you’re preparing for a move, you may also enjoy The Art of Downsizing Well.
Coming Next Week: The Room That Taught Me How to Let Go
One of the first things I did after our oldest son left for college was transform his untouched bedroom into something entirely different: a guest room, reading retreat, and prayer journal sanctuary. That room taught me that changing a room does not erase a memory.
Next week, I’ll share how repurposing one bedroom became my first step toward creating a home that supports the people living there 350 days a year, while still welcoming the people we love during the other 15.
Don’t miss the rest of the series. Sign up for our newsletter HERE, and if you’re ready to sort, keep, and let go with a little help, contact us HERE!
