What Downsizing Taught Me About Memories, Possessions, and Making Room for the Next Chapter
Part 4 of 5 in our October Empty Nest Series
By the time we repurposed our oldest son’s bedroom, I was starting to think I had this whole empty nest thing figured out. At least a little. If you know me at all, you know I tend to be the “big idea” person in the family. So it probably won’t surprise you that while I was busy figuring out what to do with one empty bedroom, my brain was already moving on to something much bigger.
From an Empty Beach to Lakefront
The funny thing is, moving to a lake wasn’t some lifelong dream we’d been discussing for years. If you read Part 2 of this series, you know it started with one almost-forgotten Labor Day weekend. Our oldest son had gone back for his second year of college, and somehow, despite being a family that loves the water, we had gone an entire summer without visiting a beach, lake, pond, or pool. Sitting on a deserted lakefront that afternoon, I had one of my classic big ideas: “What if we lived on a lake?”
My husband didn’t immediately tell me I was crazy. Instead, he had one condition: “If we’re moving, it has to be lakefront. Not lake access. Not lake view. Lakefront.”
Four years later, we found it. But once that idea took hold, we didn’t wait four years to start changing our home. We started almost immediately. Over the next few years, we renovated the kitchen, refreshed the powder room, painted walls in more neutral colors, replaced aging carpet, and slowly prepared our family home for whatever came next.
Eventually, we sold the house and moved into an apartment. Along the way, we sent our younger son off to college, welcomed our older son back during a co-op semester, and kept searching for the perfect waterfront property.
Finding the Lake House (and Gutting It)
Then we found it: the exact lake we wanted and the perfect lot, with no stairs to reach the water. It was everything we had hoped for, with only one problem. The house needed to be completely gutted.
Before we could move in, we spent eight months renovating nearly every surface. Designing my own home had always been a dream, and I created a light-filled, coastal-inspired backdrop with white oak floors, soft neutral walls, and a blue-and-white kitchen that felt timeless and fresh.
Downsizing Your Family Home: The Three Pieces We Bargained Over
Designing the new home was exciting, but downsizing our family home was another story entirely. Creating space for the next chapter meant deciding what couldn’t come with us, and three pieces in particular had us bargaining with ourselves, and with each other.
The grandfather clock. The first was my husband’s grandfather clock from his university. It didn’t fit the new house, but finding a new owner who genuinely loved it made letting go easier. I kept the university pendulum and hope to turn it into a shadow box someday.
The cherry dining room set. The second was my grandmother’s cherry dining room set. It had hosted decades of family gatherings and had lived with us for twenty-five years. It was worn out, damaged, and beyond practical repair, but emotionally it represented generations of family history. When I struggled to let it go, my husband gently reminded me, “Your grandmother is not in this table.” Ouch. But he was right.
The Restoration Hardware bed. The third was our Restoration Hardware bed, the first truly expensive piece of furniture we ever purchased. After twenty-plus years of use, it had done its job beautifully. My assistant at the time was thrilled to give it a second life.
“That object has paid for itself. It doesn’t owe you anything.” — Shawn Strok
That’s something I often tell clients, and it was just as true for me.
Multi-Functional Rooms: Letting a Home Reveal What It Needs
When we finally moved into the lake house, the bedrooms were barely furnished. We had beds, a chair or two, and not much else. I had dreams of wallpaper, custom window treatments, and magazine-worthy spaces, but life had other plans. Business was booming, the boys still came home from college, and then COVID arrived. A family friend’s daughter lived with us for a semester while interning at my company. Guests came and went, and our needs kept changing.
What I learned is something I now tell clients all the time: you don’t always know what a room should become on day one. Sometimes you have to live in a home before you understand what it needs.
One bedroom eventually became part dressing room, part office, part gift-wrapping center, and part guest retreat. Another became a reading room, mini library, exercise space, and guest room, thanks to a Murphy bed. None of those solutions existed when we moved in. They revealed themselves over time.
If you’re downsizing your family home, Ask Yourself:
- Which pieces am I keeping out of love, and which out of obligation?
- Has this object already done its job?
- Is there someone who would genuinely love and use it?
- What might a room in my new home become if I give it time?
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- Shawon Davis Photography
The Bottom Line: What Am I Finally Making Room For?
Looking back, I thought downsizing would be about learning to live with less. What I discovered instead was how to live with what matters most. The family home is gone. The grandfather clock, the dining room set, and the bed are gone. But the stories, relationships, traditions, and memories came with us. They simply found a new address.
When I think back on that empty beach all those years ago, what’s funny is that none of us knew we were making a life-changing decision. We weren’t discussing a move, house hunting, or planning a renovation. We were simply noticing that life had gotten so busy that we’d stopped making room for something we loved.
Maybe that’s the real lesson. It’s not about houses, furniture, or even downsizing. It’s about slowing down, creating margin, and paying attention to the things that bring you joy, the places that make you feel alive, and the dreams you’ve quietly tucked away while caring for everyone else.
There comes a point when your children are grown, your schedules change, and a little space opens up in your life. When that happens, perhaps the question isn’t “What am I giving up?” It’s “What am I finally making room for?”
At Design Organize Gather Co., we help families through every stage of downsizing, from deciding what comes with you to designing a smaller home that still fits your whole life. For more practical guidance, read The Art of Downsizing Well.
Coming Next Week
When I first became an empty nester, I thought I was trying to figure out what to do with spare bedrooms. Over the last several years, I’ve realized that was never the real question. In our final article, we’ll explore how to create a home that supports the life you’re living today: your interests, your routines, your relationships, your faith, and your future.
The goal was never an empty nest. The goal was always a full home.
Don’t miss the series finale. Sign up for our newsletter HERE, and if you’re preparing to downsize, contact us HERE!
